ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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