I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
