good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
