I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
