I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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