How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
