Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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