At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
