is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
