Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
