we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
