There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i think i just lost a toe
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
