I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You can't just leave with hair like that
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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