Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
