I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
