She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
