My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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