Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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