he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
