i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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