i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
