I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
