We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
