FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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