i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
