took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
