ugly people sure do ruin things
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Green mimosas i think yes
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
