If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
