Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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