I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
