just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i would punch a child for taco bell
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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