The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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