mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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