When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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