I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
