your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
