Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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