Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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