You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
