Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
