I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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