there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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