It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
