That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
