Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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