he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We have started to decorate penises.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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