I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
porn star boner night. come get it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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