I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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