the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
