No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
