Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
