I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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