You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
