I'm pants shitting drunk right now
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
