glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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