A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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