I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
