i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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