When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
