It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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