you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
