Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
