she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
