I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
