i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This is my gift to your gina
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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