the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
