there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
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Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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