Just cropdusted the office
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize