please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
