don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
should my penis look like a turkey
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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